Yesterday I felt like a fool, today you said I'm a fool, tomorrow I want to be your fool. 


(Today I'm not going to continue the post that I intended to write on. But somehow I'll come back to it cos' it's actually isn't something to fret about for now..)


Finally, realization struck me yesterday night. Some things happened and I've finally realize how much some people are worthy to me. If you really love someone, no matter how hard you try, you'll still find yourself thinking about the same old person again. Is this what people said, true love? I don't believe anything that's true cos' in any ways, some people just have to break the perfection of it because of temptations and their own benefits, or maybe in their eyes, perfection is easily replaced by other people. Confusing but I get it, myself. But you see, time doesn't slow down for anyone, it keeps moving on, just like reality. No matter how devastated or heartbroken you can get, her/him moved on, you can't possibly stay at square one again. Step by step, we move, it hurts, we try to stop, think too much, hurts again, regret, blame, cried, try to move again, try to get over it, thought about it sometimes, but still moving on and on, but one day you're tired, you stopped, thought you managed to get over it but actually you made no progress. I think my heart now is wrinkled cos' I feel too much, think too much, cried too much, and of course, what's left is just bits of pieces and it's obviously broken.

It's been the longest days without you. I didn't know where to turn to. See somehow I can't forget you after all that we've been through. I thought I deserve this. Though I'm gonna live without you, it's gonna hurt when it heals, but it'll all get better in time. But that something reminds me. It's not that easy. Don't wanna let it hurt my feeling. Since there's no more you and me, I let you go cos' then I'll be free. No matter how hard it is, I'm going to be fine without you. Those promises, sadly it's broken thoroughly. If you can't grant it, then stop making it, it just brings false hopes in me which leads to self-denial always. Sometimes, love turns to hate, but can you really bear seeing that person in agony.. I guess no one wants it this way. I wish karma existed, but nothing is going to change even if that person is depressed or whatsoever. Time and time again, someone can let it go so easily, and so freely as if that relationship is so insignificant. Is this how people manipulate each others' feelings? Such an irony, when you don't love someone as much initially, but when you get her replaced, you loved another person as much as you could, but she doesn't feel the same way as you do. Your hopes for her, you get disappointments in the end cos' you realize she isn't giving as much as you hoped for. My hopes for you, trashed by disappointments cos' I realize you got someone else.



I'm not blaming anyone but how can one be so selfish.. Okay if it's not selfish then why does either one party gets hurt so much.. My soft spot, you always took it for granted. When she isn't by your side, you find me as a substitute of her. When sorrows overwhelmed you, I cared for you as a friend, I gave you advice which I don't think any gets in your head. You know the barrier, yes, we're just friends, no more. I given up hope so long ago so there's no way I can be pulled back. No such thing is going to happen. You told me your relationship problems, but hey, I haven't forgotten about the past. Contradicting. Loved you one that hurts you, hurt the one that loved you. You put me through so much emotions, now it's your turn for that. Cos' in my empty heart you left a mark, the best thing I never had. It's almost a year so, why is it taking to long. Never thought I'd fall so hard, I'm putting back together my heart, now it's broken. I know it's gonna take some time, to finally realize I got nothing left inside, nothing to hide, I'm broken.

Everything just vanish within 24 hours. I'm contented, I'm happy. Some one else deserves better, some one else proves it better. My priority now, is something else. End of my ranting (is this even counted as ranting..) and I guess life looks so much brighter and clearer without all these mists hindering my view of this beautiful world. My life is so mystic, colourful, tragic, happy, all in all, I'm happy for who I am now, thankful for being healthy, thankful for being so fortunate, thankful for having parents and friends who love me. Most importantly, I thank God for all these. This minor setback isn't going to ruin my entire life.

Made by Paula. 1 2