You sound so innocent, full of good intent. 

Are you delusional? Are you delusion-ally in love? Is it counted as being on the right track where you're still where you are, staying stationary, just here, not moving at all. What's happened? Do you guys like to move things fast? I have a thread of questions, and when I used 'thread', it emphasizes on how minute and fragile theses thoughts are, seems insignificant, but it's bits and pieces of them that make the thread of clothes so strong and yes, like how over-looming and heavy they are in my head now.

How do I get rid of them? Sometimes, somehow, they just vanish, but they're so temperamental, they come by as and when they like. How annoying. Can you guys just leave me alone for once? I'm really sick and tired of playing games (I really don't know this is the __th time restating this point). No rush, take your own time. I don't know how bloody long I can survive with this imaginary tumour inside my mind, seriously. It's gonna take its toll sooner or later and yes when will I ever be mentally prepared for such doomsday to happen. When things get boiling and gushing, adrenaline rushing in, I really literally feel so suffocated and breathless. I could not get my thoughts sorted out within such a short time frame. I mean yeah, it's good to be direct and stuffs but hey, words shot out your mouth could actually be salts to my wound. Wound of my past, maybe. It's good to clear things and get over and done with, but the latter part, being able to resolve and come with a win-win solution is not an easy feat at all. I really wish it's possible and an option for us to run away from our problems at times.
No I hate wasting people's time, so they shouldn't waste their time on me either. Sometimes, yeah you just feel you aren't worthy or deserving of anyone cos' you know at the end of the day, you wouldn't appreciate and in turn take advantage of others. I don't want history to reoccur and I don't want it to befall on anyone of you. Either ways I don't think it will work out and I don't listen to my head or heart cos' they're all numb and hardened and it's only the humane part of me alive, being nice and compassionate. There's somewhat a line drawn between this and love or more generally, emotions. Or perhaps, neither ways will work, cos' if I've already lost my heart, I can't feel humanity. I have no fucking idea what I'm trying to say but yep, I just hope things turn out fine eventually.

God will you help me. 

Made by Paula. 1 2