When was the last time you have a good laugh? 

Unless you show me how, I'll be wandering along the streets, feeling aimless having no goals to move forward to. It's another weekend. Time past really really fast after changing school. Not sure if it's because of the dreadful and hectic schedule or just me, being mentally unsound and unprepared for everything that's going come. However, if we put in efforts and enjoy the days we have in school, I guess it's gonna be pretty worthwhile in the end right?

Where have you been. It's really uncomfortable and unnatural for me to do such stuffs, thinking I'm facing this roadblock which is absolutely foolish of me initiating such stuffs. I should or shouldn't right, or should I. Probably it's karma for my first moves eh. Whatever it is, I don't see a point in it anymore. What's the point of anticipating when that person can't even see what you're trying to do. Your intentions aren't heard, it's equivalent to the matter being no resolved at all. It's really hard so salvage such friendships, where it's always underlying at some undefined relationship status. Sometimes, I get so lost, I really have no idea what we have become. The past, our past, those memories, it's utterly unforgettable. Maybe, like everyone always says, it's the memories that haunt our souls and not that person. Well I have to say it's 80% true, but it's just a pity the friendship becomes stagnant. It's takes two hands to clap, it's ain't gonna work with just the efforts of solely one person. Countless time I've repeated myself saying I'm feeling sick and tired of the games we're playing and risks I'm taking. But at the end of this entire matter, I guess I only have myself to blame for not cherishing whatever we used to have and share. It sucks huh. Not only did I cause the loss for myself, but maybe hurt for the other party. Selfish bitch wtf am I even thinking during that time.


It's then I began to realize I've been putting up my guards too high, being too skeptical about people's moves and their perceptions and yes I honestly don't trust anyone, not even myself. I've been living on masks, where each and different special mask makes me who I am today. I've never bleed so much emotions for such fucking useless (come to evaluate it) stuffs or to be more precise, our friendship. According to some shit study, a friendship last for at most up to 5 years. You've just proven this practically right. Whatever I just wanna roll my eyes and pray that I can completely take you out of my life. Hurt no more. Lesson learnt, treat the people like how you want them to treat you. No matter what the results are at the end, you know you've done your best to meet the needs of both parties.

The demons in us. 

Made by Paula. 1 2