Ever wonder what makes you so tired you just feel like giving up? 

Life. This is life.

Too overwhelming, you feel like screaming your lungs out and hopefully get a god darn solution. But no, life doesn't work like this. Sufferings. Yes, we may walk this path feeling miserable but everyone always says it's worth the effort. Was it? Is it? Too many masks hung, which is the best fit? Which is the most deceiving? So much feigning, you forget who are in the start. So many changes and feelings revolving, we can't help but adapt to such environment, and guess what, we ourselves eventually become who we promised we wouldn't want to be. How ironic.

Life's too short for regrets. But with so many hindrances and skeptical thoughts, what's more to come? Either you risk that chance, or just blow it. Why. People. Such scheming animals we can't even try to trust and rely on each other. Preferably, just for time being. We put up guards against people, fearing they'd leave after seeing our true selves. But hey, look at the amount of masks we have already wore, what's the use. It's redundant. Whatsoever the vulnerable or resistant side of us, it become something we use to manipulate with other people's feelings. It's a cycle. Why? Am I taking or thinking too far ahead that so much insecurities and fucking thoughts are arousing again?

Where's the assurance I used to give myself. Where's all the comforting shit I always tell myself. Sometimes, we're too prone to them, it doesn't take effects anymore. I guess this is what had happened. Life's sweetening is too much that we used to forget where all the bitterness and sourness come from. Gist of life, essence of life. All these became so meaningless cos' days become predictable, it's no fun anymore. No fun between us. It hurts, to continue bottling up. But when you thought you're ready to open up, you realize there isn't any openings for it to come up. It's all become too sore, too hardened, it makes you hardened inside, it doesn't matter which degree of pain it is, you're still able to take it. Is this what they called, being strong mentally? There's still a breaking point inside. Despite how strong you are, it'll break.


What if all those shits just keep recurring up your mind. Full of shit. Pieces of shit. Not speaking but this incessant thinking could drive one to his/ her grave. It's mind-torturing. Am I going to face it over and over again? What's there to resolve. Nothing. No solutions and problems just stack up by themselves endlessly. Maybe, a third of it caused by self destruction thoughts or what they called your fears and insecurities or over thinking  Hmm. Sometimes, we get so tired, we just let life leads its own way. I mean, sooner or later we'll end up where we are supposedly (or planned) to be at. I'm speechless at what I've just wrote. Maybe, I should just sleep. Instinctively, maybe our instincts are always right to direct us. Maybe. Maybe, I shall just take this one last risk. Just this once I promised.

Ignorance and bliss baby. 

Made by Paula. 1 2