It's just a simple request.

The thing I want to do now is, get over my trainings and competitions, and head focus on my studies. I've been missing too much, skipping lessons too many, that I really have to buck up, like now. Sadly, some stupid virus is just too attracted to me. I'd love to go school tomorrow, but competition dreads me and I've got an mc. So now I'm in a dilemma. What if I can't get well tomorrow, wouldn't I be missing a lot? Someone, please just tell me what to do.

I'd hope everything would go as I planned. I'd hope you won't leave just like that. I'd hope I wasn't put in such difficult spot, where over-thinking has became a routine for me. Last Friday I attended an international leadership summit. It was an eyeopening for me. Great experiences I must say. "Every night before you sleep, always ask yourself these questions, 'Is my life meaningful? Is my life rewarding? Is my life fulfilling?' ". I hate escaping reality, but I guess that choice I made was really meant to escape from all these...

Who to rely on. I can bear to leave like that. I'll miss my friends and everything I like about in my current environment. But what's the main reasons of giving up? Yeah that is, I've been a coward just to escape from it. I'd wish I didn't make that choice in the beginning which in turn has been giving me hell since ever. It's really nice sometimes, to know someone actually cared for you. But I don't know if it's just temporary. I'm really a bore, like literally. I'm almost a no-life-kind-of-person. "Go Big When You're Young". Yes I really need my life to be more meaningful and valuable. Couldn't just waste it like that. Hey c'mon who am I. I can surely beat all these!

Sometimes my low self-esteem totally defeats the things I want to do. Lost all of the confidence, lost the thinking of my own. Always believing people come to my life for a motive instead of a reason, always doubting, forever suspecting. When will I ever learn to trust someone completely. Maybe, well maybe, it's cos' the hurt once brought upon was too much of an impact to tolerate and forget. Maybe, if someone could just replay what happened in the past, but with another different approach, I wouldn't be so pessimistic and negative about life.

Maybe, I've been analyzing too much, thinking too much, dwelling too much on the unnecessary. Maybe, it's time to accept and change. Maybe, it's time to allow them in my life. Maybe, it's time to open my heart and start loving. Maybe, I should just delete those 'maybes' and start right now.

Made by Paula. 1 2