Leona Lewis songs never fail to make my heart aches harder. 

Officially the first day of holidays and here I am feeling depressed and dejected. I caused it upon myself, isn't it. First day of holidays, wasted. I had movie marathon for the whole afternoon and now I reek of my maid's cooking. Sadly, all these movies were super touching and yeah, cried for the day. Tears of joy? Nah.

I really wonder how one is being able to move on so quickly and easily. Are they just hiding their feelings? Avoiding reality? Nah I doubt so. Some people just have enough courage and willpower to move on with life. Well me? 0.99% of it completed. I don't care how long it takes but I'm sceptical. If someone is replaced so easily, don't tell me the past is wasted, nothing was real at all? Just, I'm staying at square one. No one will be here again to tell me what went wrong, how bad and awful I am. How suckish I am being in a relationship. Lose my direction, lose my sense at times. Maybe it doesn't affect much, but inside is a countless locks that have to be opened to heal the wound. I still haven't got the answers I want. Maybe I'm just a coward. No more maybes, just me. No matter what happens, I'm always here for you. But you'll never approach me, ever again, will you. The hurt can't be amend with tissues, wiping tears away every night. No it doesn't go this way. Sometimes I hope after we've moved on, we still could be friends. But memories, it never fails to pull us back. No wait. I don't want to be your anything. Just secretly watching over you will do it. My absence will surely complete this process. But my invisibility will make sure you're in pink health, happy, genuinely smiling, accompanying you till you sleep, keeping you out of every troubles, making sure you don't cry by yourself, consoling you when you're down. I guess, that's how I can make it up for you. You can forget, you can lead you life, brand new. I'll do what I'm supposed to do. The reward I'll get is the happiness you have.

You're happy now, ain't you. And that's a good thing. No more unworthy tears shed, no more worries pinned. You're freed from this big commitment. Everything seems to be happening too quickly. I'm grateful you chose to make such risk and deleting me away. Your family, hopefully everything will be fine and miracles will happen, really. I can't talk to you anymore. It's not that I'm mad at you, it's just that when I talk to you, I realize how strong we used to be, I realize I can't have you and this make me even sadder. I can't be your reasons to smile anymore. I can't guarantee happiness for you, I can't make you happy anymore. We're on our own now, please be happy.

I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I'm going to smile. 

Neuro-linguistic programming.  

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